He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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