The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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