your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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