We're like a lot better than the average bears
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
