I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
