Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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