i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
