dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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