So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
