I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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