I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
