well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
