Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize