I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
