You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
