went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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