I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
