i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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