cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
