I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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