I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
