i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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