so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
