Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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