I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
