That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
