splinters make it hard to masturbate
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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