Whatcha textin bout Willis?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
