do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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