i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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