You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
