It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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