worst night to have a conscience
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
