So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
