Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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