Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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