evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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