i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
