Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Too much gin, very little bucket
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
