can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
