i wish starbucks made bloody marys
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
