What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
