He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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