apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
