did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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