: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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