waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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