My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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