You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I AM VODKA MAN
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
