she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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