it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
