we're chasing vodka with high fives
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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