Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
