I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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