The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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