well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
