I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
