I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
