I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
