I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
