I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
