drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
