my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
