If i could tip my vagina, i would.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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