She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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