Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
