I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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