Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
