oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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