I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want to be your penis for a week.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
