Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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