Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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