spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
