Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
what day is it and did you see me today?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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