Will you blow on my dice?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
