Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
