It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize