you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
