she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
